Axel thought he had put his old life behind him, until an old favour is called in, the consequence of which ends with his girlfriend's death at the hand of some of his associates whom he intended to kill. Now Axel has ten men to kill for revenge. Well, it’s a hobby I guess...

10 Dead Men was directed by who knows and written by who cares. Normally I would regale you with who wrote and directed this film, its accomplishments and how I am astounded and impressed for anyone who has the balls to get a book or feature out. That is until the film turns out to be truly awful. Let see what the dictionary says about the word "awful":

1. Extremely bad; unpleasant; ugly: awful face acting; an awful job, must have cost a tenner, at best, ok maybe a fiver and a hot cup of tea. 

2. Inspiring mild fear; dreadful; terrible: an awful noise, if you are three and under. 

3. Solemnly. 6 Dead Men and a Dead Cat the original script, some say that Woody Allen was going to direct. 

4. Full of awe; reverential, though possibly not, actually defiantly not. No way.

5. Extremely dangerous, risky, injurious, etc., this was the original script 6 Dead Men and a Cat, but sadly no Woody on board. –adverb

6. Informal. Very; extremely: He did an awful good job of painting the barn with blood. It's awful hot in here, for a dead guy.  Took a round robin of those still awake after the film was over and the consensus was that more alcohol was needed

7. 10 Dead Men, now that definition speaks for itself.

While that may be the, sort of, dictionary definitions, my votes go with the first two and er... the last, that I felt needed added. It’s pants, it’s pooh, it has few redeeming qualities, what ideas are not a cliché are a rehash of someone else's movie. Hells bells! The violence, of which there is a surfeit, holds no attention. The fake blood is severely unconvincing. As the film lacks either a comedic or moral centre, so that would be just a bunch of uninteresting bully boys hurting each other on a low quality camcorder. You know I’ve pulled out toes - which brought me more pleasure. You know that one hair that you pull out of your nose? It hurts. it hurts a lot, but the final feeling of satisfaction when it is over the sensation is not dissimilar to when this film has finished.

So what it there to enjoy in this film? Nix, nadda, nothing, the thing looks like it was made on my own home camera and scripted by a twelve year old. The direction is lazy, the editing amateurish, music was ok, and the highlight was the narration from Pinhead Doug Bradley.

To be honest if I had ten people to kill, I certainly would bring a degree of art and ingenuity to their deaths - and don’t think I don’t have a list; the human psyche is a lot scarier than this thin load of tosh.

Apart from that, it’s a slice of my life I’ll never get back. I even sat though the  trailer. Someone owes me big time and I’ve stared a list  of who will pay and one of them will be a cat. [Enough! I think we get the point - Ed].

1

Charles Packer