Doctor Elehri Mussurana has spent a lifetime on her work. She has guarded her pet project close to her chest, letting only one person share her secret - her husband and lab partner Ernst Wharner. As their experiment reaches its final, glorious fruition, they watch in awe as sparks fly in a sealed chamber and specks of sapphire light begin to join together into a shining haze. A wormhole in time and space is being created... But then something unexpected appears inside the swirling vortex: a tall blue box with the words “POLICE PUBLIC CALL BOX” on the top. The TARDIS has arrived in the far future, in a scientific research facility - just as reality is ripped at the seams and the universe tears in two...

Though the television series gained a new signature tune and a new companion in the Christmas episode The Snowmen, this audio adventure was released in early December, so it opens with the previous version of the theme, and the Time Lord is still accompanied by Amy Pond and Rory Williams.

Being an old-school Doctor Who fan, I often find that the fast pace of new series episodes means that the plot unfolds rather too quickly for my liking. However, that is certainly not the case with Snake Bite. Writer Scott Handcock really takes his time, so much so that we are about halfway through the 70-minute CD before Amy, who has been stranded on a distant alien world, encounters the planet’s occupants. This delay means that the snake in the title and on the front cover is something of a spoiler. It is about as long before the Doctor and Rory stop talking with the scientists on the gigantic Jörmungandr space station and actually get on with the business of rescuing their missing friend. It’s always good to have some interaction between “the boys”, but the first half of this story is low on incident, even by classic Who standards.

Reader Frances Barber (who played Madame Kovarian, AKA the Eye Patch Lady, in Series 6) also gets off to a bad start, with some awkward delivery at times. Crucially, at the very beginning of her narration, she hesitates over the name Doctor Elehri Mussurana (which is understandable, since Handcock has given her some very long words to say), pausing after the word “Doctor” as though she is about to announce the series title. She soon recovers, though, providing decent imitations of the vocal styles of Matt Smith (the Eleventh Doctor) and Arthur Darvill (Rory), a not bad Karen Gillan (Amy), and really relishes the hissing snake voices and descriptions of their serpent tongues.

These creatures are not to be confused with the Skishtari from AudioGO’s Fourth Doctor miniseries Serpent Crest, another reptile race with an unfortunately similar affinity for wormholes, as is pointed out by the Doctor within the narrative. Nor, in case you were wondering, do they have any connection with the Mara.

I understand that Snake Bite is the final audio release to feature the Ponds, so savour that fact. It’s just a shame that the story itself couldn’t have had a bit more bite.

5

Richard McGinlay