Cockneys Vs Zombies   Starring: Harry Treadaway, Michelle Ryan, Rasmus Hardiker and Ashley Thomas StudioCanal RRP: £15.99 OPTD2079 Certificate: 15 Available 29 October 2012

Two brothers from the East End of London, along with their cousin and the local psycho, decide to rob a bank in order to stop their grandad’s old people’s home from being closed down. After an initial misunderstanding, the robbery doesn’t go too well, with the police arriving in force outside. But in the time it takes for the psycho to take a couple of hostages, and the group to argue over a dodgy plan, a virulent virus has swept across London, turning the infected into zombies. Now the difficult task is to make it safely across town to save the old folks, who are locked in and surrounded by an onslaught of flesh-eating creatures. However, these are no ordinary elderly people; they are Cockney ‘geezers’ who once had influence in London, and they’re not put down so easily...

As the resident horror expert (ahem!) on this site, I’ve reviewed many zombies films, and those who have followed my reviews (Hello? Is there anyone there?!) will know I’m not a fan of the sub-genre. Seldom does a writer or director inject some originality into the premise. So, ironically, we are left with the awful fact that spoof zombie flicks are generally the most entertaining - being as they are only open to ridicule. There have been some notable examples of this ilk. The Return of the Living Dead: Part 2, and Shaun of the Dead were two popular offerings, but I think Dance of the Dead tops the lot.

Cockneys Vs Zombies is like a cross between Only Fools and Horses, and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Or maybe the horror version of The Italian Job. What I’m saying is it’s the home grown settings and the characters in such a ridiculous situation which makes this film work so well. Amongst the convincing gore is a handful of genuinely funny moments, and the rest of the film is highly watchable as there is always something going on - even during the dialogue heavy moments.

There are two stand-out moments for me. One has the old folks locked in against the zombie onslaught, when they realise one of their friends is asleep outside in the garden, oblivious to the danger. Their shouts wake him, and he is waved urgently inside. However, he can only walk with the use of a zimmer frame, so it is a slow motion race to the door with an excruciatingly slow zombie on his heels. The other moment is when the group pass two opposing gangs of zombie football fans beating each other up in very slow movements, and the classic line, “They even hate each other as zombies!”

There is a sterling cast of classic actors playing the old folks, including Honor Blackman and Richard Briers. Everyone looks like they’re having fun, and haven’t simply turned up to take the money. So, all in all, this is an enjoyable outing, and comes across as such. A feel good zombie movie; now there’s a thing!

There is a behind-the-scenes documentary and a trailer on the extras. However, the outstanding special feature is the four minute Zombie School, which was used as a training video for the acting ghouls. It’s educational and funny.

7

Ty Power