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Gail Porter and paranormal investigator Chris Fleming travel
across America in search of the worlds most famous celebrity
ghosts. This time around our investigators unlock the stories
of Bonnie and Clyde, John Wayne, Jayne Mansfield, John Lennon,
Buddy Holly, Joan Crawford, Bette Davis, Alfred Hitchcock,
Harry Houdini and the king of rock n roll Elvis Presley...
On
the surface it sounds like a fun project: Think of some famous
celebrities that are now dead, and try and see if their spirits
are still walking the earth. But, what may have seemed like
a great idea after a few pints down the pub, quickly falls
apart when it's actually presented in 45 minute episodes.
The
show sees Gail Porter and Chris Fleming travelling across
America in a bid to contact the spirits of a number of dead
famous people. Porter is the cynic, while Fleming is the "sensitive"
who can get in touch with the spirit world (lock the man up
and throw away the key). Porter
(bless her) is the epitome of innocence. When she speaks you
believe everything she says. She is sweet, childlike and has
a very credibly sincere persona. Fleming, on the other hand
is as believable as the Easter Bunny. Come on man, have some
self respect and get yourself a proper job (Much, much more
on that later).
The
biggest problem (after the fact that it's as fake as a Gucci
watch sold by a man standing on Tottenham Court Road) is that
any credibility is stripped away because so many things are
not done properly. Firstly, where was the actual science?
Why were independent scientific experts not along for the
ride? Or, at the very least, why weren't the duo kitted out
with some seriously good ghost hunting equipment? And on the
odd occasion there is someone with a science background why
is the audience not told of their qualifications, and why
are they simply observers? Wouldn't it make more sense for
them to set up some of their own equipment?
One
of the episodes explains that Fleming listened to some of
the days audio footage overnight and then let Porter listen
to what he had heard. I'm guessing he's got some software
that can manipulate sound. But even if he hasn't, when we
hear playbacks of ghostly voices or pictures of ghostly figures
it's still next to impossible to work out what they are saying,
even when we are told - a lot of it sounds like background
noise. And on the few occasions they catch a spooky ghost
on camera I still couldn't make out the figure when it was
pointed out to me.
Then
there is the fact that the two spend most of the time wandering
around in the dark (any fool knows that ghost activity is
most common during the twilight hours) with several camera
men, yet pretend that they are filming everything on their
own camcorders. Then, in good old Scooby-Doo fashion, Fleming
insists on the two of them splitting up. This means that the
majority of the time Porter scares herself half to death over
nothing because she is wandering around on her own (with a
camera and sound crew).
Then
there is the fact that Fleming seems to get possessed by spirits
who are really dumb. They come out with fantastic gems like:
"This body is warm". You'd think if a spirit had
been hanging around for ages, and then took the effort to
climb into Fleming's body they could at the very least impart
something else other than the temperature - maybe it's the
ghost equivalent of "Lot of weather we're having for
this time of year."
They
go to some odd places to find their dead spirits. Me, I'd
go to the grave, scene of their death and their home. Not,
as happens in the search for Elvis Presley's ghost, the derelict
brewery that used to brew Elvis's mum's favourite tipple.
And
why, when they go to venues that would have been frequented
by numerous famous people (film studios or concert venues),
do they brush away any contact with other ghosts that try
to come through? It was unintentionally funny when Porter
looked oh so disappointed when she was told that there were
dead spirits of other famous people wanting to come through
from the spirit world, but not the celebs they were trying
to get in touch with. It was like - "Oh, Jimmy Hendrix?
No, we don't want to speak with him..."
Because
the people the duo are trying to track down are famous there
are also a million and one Internet sites where you can find
information on these celebs, as well as all the places that
their ghosts may haunt. Fleming seems to possess a canny insight
into his surroundings. He knew, for example how many times
John Lennon was shot and where his assassin stood (a quick
Internet trawl reveals all the information you need to know).
Again, oddly this wasn't verified in the show. Is what Fleming
felt really what happened?
I am always sceptical of people who make a living out of actually
contacting the dead. Psychics
are lame enough at the best of times (see the numerous ones
here that they employ on their travels), but Fleming makes
a dodgy profession seem even more uncredible. He did not have
one encounter or experience that I believed in in this series.
His "feelings" were verging on the ridiculous and
always obvious (for example when investigating Elvis Presley
he came up with the startling revelation that he could sense
Elvis's first recording and that... wait for it... he was
very nervous. No sh*t Sherlock. He lies, twists things, goes
back on what he's said, and generally looks like that kid
at school (the one who always lied) that no one liked. This
is a con man so lame that even the most eager to be convinced
in the spirit world will realise he is yanking their chain.
So
you'd think that on their travels they'd pick the odd psychic
to join them who was a little more credible. Nope. The woman
they get to attend the venue where Buddy Holly played his
last gig before dying manages to get in touch with... "the
name sounds like Rit... R... Ritchie.. Valentine... or something
with that sound." Really! Really! Wow she is incredible
(in case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic).
I'll
give you proof of Fleming's ridiculous charade - more proof
than he offers up for his ability to get in touch with the
dead.
By
far the worst crime is in the search for the ghost of Bette
Davis. Fleming walks into a room and asks for a sign from
any spirits to prove they are there. He is silent for a while,
waiting for a sign, when his tape recorder stops working.
This, he explains, is proof that a spirit is present. Pretty
impressive stuff. That is until he shows the recorder to the
camera. It is a Sony machine with VOR technology (you can
very clearly see the letter VOR on the player). What is VOR
technology? Well as Sony's website explains:
Voice
Operated Recording (VOR) automatically activates the recorder
only when audible sound is present, conserving tape and
eliminating lengthy noiseless passages on recordings.
So,
contrary to Fleming's spooky claims that a spirit stopped
his recorded, what actually happened is the lack of sound
(or ghosts) resulted in the recorder stopping, as it is designed
to.
Then
there is the surprising (and only credible) reading he gets
at Elvis Presley's old home. He sees corn and a white picket
fence and low and behold there used to be a cornfield and
a white picket fence (as shown in a photo of the house that
the owners have hanging on a wall). Now either Fleming could
have seen this coming in, or he could have sent a researcher
around weeks before to have a tour of the house and take away
some info for him to use later - the residents make money
out of showing people around - so when Fleming makes his way
straight to Elvis's bedroom he could easily have found this
information out another way.
Here's
a quick run down of some of the more ridiculous events in
some of the episodes:
Joan
Crawford: I couldn't help laughing when Fleming asks whether
Crawford's home was built on an ancient Indian burial ground
(I've seen that episode of The Simpsons too many times
for my own good). There is a genuinely creepy moment where
the water in the hotel swimming pool starts to bubble on it's
own. However this is totally fake (obviously something thrown
in there - as we hear a splash - that effervesces) and I loved
the way the scene is played back from two different cameras
and the other woman there somehow manages to turn and look
at both lens' at the same time (you can tell it's supposed
to be the same shot as you can hear Porter and Fleming arguing
in the background - they go very quite when the woman shouts
out to them that something is going on in the pool.
John
Lennon: What is wrong with the cameraman? He's not very good
at his job. When Chris is in his hotel room he hears something
and looks off camera as though something horrible is there.
Why doesn't the cameraman move the camera to what he is looking
at? Gail's torch battery dies for the umpteenth time. And
when the John Lennon look-a-like (he actually looks more like
Jack Douglas from the Carry On films) is the one to
be possessed by Lennon's spirit (?!!?) you can see Fleming
looking a little peed off - he was obviously going to pretend
to be possessed - the other guy was only there as background.
Bette
Davis: Fleming, a man who gets paid by pretending he has another
sense, laughs at the beliefs of the very camp High Witches
of Salem - come on Fleming don't ridicule others that have
a slightly more credible role than you. In fact it's so credible
that most of this episode is co-hosted by the camp High Witch
- leaving poor old Fleming out in the cold. A word to the
wise - If you insist on making your living talking to dead
people, it's not a good idea to sneer at other people. The
High Witch takes it all tongue in cheek - he tries to summon
Davis to pick up a posthumous award (a Golden Skull Award
for acting).
Buddy
Holly: At the scene of the plane crash Fleming picks up latent
emotions. Get this... "most of them were screaming as
the plane came down." At the point of impact (already
shown to him by the farmer) Fleming feels the following: "...
sadness... something traumatic happened here." Then he
reveals that the plane hit, rolled and slid and he identifies
where the bodies lay. Again an Internet search will reveal
this and the segment is illustrated with a newspaper photo
of the crash scene with each victims body position clearly
marked.
Jayne
Mansfield: Fleming claims a door handle turned on it's own,
he later later admits that it didn't (probably worried that
the door handle is on camera and will clearly show it not
moving). The seance is the saddest think I've ever seen -
truly bad acting all round. Even Porter thinks its a bit mental.
Something brushes Porter's face and she freaks out, if you
watch the recording you can see a bug on the back of her hat
- it must have been this flying at her face that startled
her.
In
all honesty this show will do a lot of harm to the serious
side of paranormal investigation. I mean what where they thinking?
Think of a dead famous person, and then try and think of where
their ghost might currently be residing and then drive over
there, pretend to get possessed by spirits and see if you
can get in touch with the dead famous person.
As
I mentioned earlier, the voices (if you can call them that)
picked up the recordings are not obvious. Even when we are
told what they say it doesn't sound like that. And all but
one of the voices in the Elvis Presley episode just sound
like the passing cars driving through puddles.
To
be fair, Porter does give a good balance here. She vocally
attacks Fleming on numerous occasions. The best being on the
subject of Fleming being possessed: "I just have to watch
you pull funny faces and saying things that are not very surprising."
This
show stinks worse than the remains of the dead celebrities
it investigates. It is so fake that you can almost hear the
ghosts turning in their graves. Chris
Fleming is such a phoney that it is laughable. If
there's anyone out there please give us a sign whether we
should buy this. Make a number appear below - mark 10 for
yes, or 2 for no.
Darren
Rea
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