When George Sampson climbed lampposts and body popped to the tune of 'Singing in the Rain' winning ITV's Britain's Got Talent, the phone lines went crazy as millions of viewers called in their appreciation. Now, and all for charity, Sampson has released his first single - the double a-side 'Get Up on the Dance Floor / Headz Up'...

Okay, I'm a snob! There I've said it... I've never watched a single episode of Britain's Got Talent, and I pity (yes pity) the demographic of the population (who aren't retired) who have. Has no one realised the irony of having a panel of judges on a talent contest who between them have absolutely no talent whatsoever. Would you really take the advice of Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan or Amanda Holden on what they think is talent? Are they trend setters?

So, now I've got that off my chest I think it's time for me to lay into this laughably ridiculous novelty single. The first problem I have with his release is that George Sampson (I am led to believe) was a dancer. Therefore this CD is a bit pointless - we can't see Sampson doing what he's famous for.

Then there's the painful fact that both songs on this CD are just damn awful - and are made even worse by their cheesy, teenage pop arrangements that try to dish them up as cool and hip to the young. No doubt Sampson's very young fan base will lap this dross up, but everyone else should stay well clear.

Who cares that this is for charity? It still sucks big time. Instead of propping up rubbish like this, simply send the money straight to Great Ormond Street Hospital so that we never have to sit through another naff song by another naff talent competition winner.

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Nick Smithson