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Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps is the long running
sitcom from the fevered imagination of Susan Nickson, who
most recently wrote the episode Guardian for the Twisted
Tales show. Set in Runcorn, the town of her birth, Two
Pints follows the misadventures of five friends...
I
first found this programme as a late night filler on BBC 3,
I think, and it had a very adverse affect on my life, in that
I found it so funny that I would often find myself sitting
up till stupid o'clock watching one episode after another,
didn't even know what season I was watching and to be truthful
it didn't matter as each episode is as funny as the last.
This
release contains all of the fourteen episodes from series
five spread across two fun filled discs. The picture is pin
sharp. Sound is stereo but to be honest this is not the sort
of program that would have benefited from 5.1 or DTS. The
only shame is that the disc contains no extras; there must
have been hundreds of outtakes that could have been included.
At
the end of series four Louise had changed Jonny's records
to try and make him seem more interesting than he actually
was. Sad to say when Louise's two brain cells decided to rub
together they turned Jonny into an armed criminal, with the
consequence that Jonny was gunned down by the police. And
so the story continues...
Dead
- Donna and Gaz are preparing for a funeral but its turns
out to be Donna's mum, Flo, who has shuffled off this mortal
coil. Donna's grief makes her incredibly horny, to the point
of making her late for her own mothers funeral. This goes
well until Gaz discovers that the funeral has made him all
unmanlified and he can no longer get an erection. Meanwhile
Jonny's fame, for being shot, has gone to his head, much to
the annoyance of his girlfriend Janet. Just when you think
things couldn't get any worse Louise is arrested for inciting
GBH.
Nobbly
Bobbly - Gaz helps Donna to sort through Flo's belongings,
while Janet has to deal with an increasingly bizarre and agoraphobic
Jonny. Louise is sent to therapy and convinces herself that
she must tell Donna that Gaz had slept with Janet. Meanwhile
back at Flo's place Donna inherits the house so long as she
does not open the cupboard; Gaz immediately decides that the
house is haunted.
Shrink
- Following Jonny's proposal of marriage to Janet, things
seem to be settling down, but then that wouldn't be funny.
Louise seems more deranged than normal as she thinks she's
a therapist after one session.
Ecuador
- After Gaz has blurted out the truth of what happened with
Janet, Donna takes it less than well and confronts Janet.
Gaz attempts to teach Jonny to drive, Donna tries to seduce
Jonny as an act of revenge while Louise continues to get Jonny
to forgive her.
Potato
People - In the aftermath of his confession Gaz has not
had sex for four days and is suffering. Can Janet or Gaz find
a way to get Donna's forgiveness?
Antlers
- Now that Donna has forgiven Janet things start to return
to normal (well as normal as they ever get) the girls start
to arrange the celebrations for Jonny and Janet's coming wedding,
but there is still the stag and hen night to get through.
Crab
- Jonny and Janet's wedding day has finally arrived as has
Louise's trial for getting Jonny shot. So how come nobody
can find either Jonny or Janet?
Fat
- Five months have past since the wedding and Janet and Jonny
are now in the full fling of marital bliss looking forward
to the birth of their child. But what's Jonny going to do
about a job? Donna's new job shifting four thousand buckets
hits a snag when she runs into a very fat, eighteen stone,
depressed Gaz.
Stot or Pronk - After three months of serious 'Gaztabation'
Gaz is finally back to his old self, much to Donna's displeasure,
so of course plastic surgery is the only answer. Louise tries
to help Janet with her increasingly bad memory.
Who's
The Daddy? - After a night in the pub Donna tells Gaz
that he's crap in bed, devastated he runs out of the pub only
to be knocked down by the ambulance dealing with Janet's pregnancy.
The accident reminds Donna that she loves Gaz, but in his
delirium he tells Jonny that he is the father.
Bababababa - With a new baby in the house Jonny is
feeling abandoned, so he starts acting like a baby. But with
a new baby come financial problems and new responsibilities.
God
- Now that their various relationships are settling down,
it's time to christen the baby. But things don't go as planned,
especially after Gaz decides to show his softer side by necking
Donna's dead mums HRT.
Love
83199 - In a fit of parental responsibility Jonny discovers
his dream job in a biscuit factory. Donna is on the look out
for her dream flat for her and Gaz, but Janet is unhappy,
feeling left behind by life.
Near,
Far - It's a time for change but can Gaz get over his
sheep phobia? Can Louise hang on to her new boyfriend? And
how will Jonny react to Janet getting a job on a cruise ship?
So there you have it fourteen episodes of often crude and
rude humour, so not one for the kids. If you've not seen this
series and have an irreverent sense of humour go and buy it
now.
 
Charles
Packer
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